pits and promises.

Have you ever been in the pit?

Pneumonia was kind of the pits, but I got over it and also learned how to spell the word “pneumonia.”  Once I began feeling better, though, I was flying high!  Back to work, back to life, back to lots of relational ministry.  I started eating better which has made me feel a lot better in general.  I had more energy and even picked up a sewing machine along the way that has supported some new crafty hobbies.  I was determined to make my newly roommate-free home a place I look forward to instead of dread.  It was going quite well for awhile.  I was taking seriously the challenge to not wish away this precious stage of solitude in my life.

Yeah...just like most things, that came to an end.  For nearly a week, I struggled hugely.  I thought living alone again wasn't going to affect me.  I was wrong and I was in a pit.

Don't get me wrong.  It's not awful.  There are a lot of great things to living solo.  I enjoy it a fair amount of the time.  Even when I had a roommate, I got a lot of alone time because she traveled a lot.  So I've already adopted hobbies.  Quite the list actually: harmonica, writing/recording music, crafting, sewing, reading, writing, decorating, movies/Netflix, thrifting, coffee shops, photography, exploring the Cities, volleyball, Spanish, napping, working too much...the list goes on.  I like all of these things and tend to cycle back through them from time to time.  But I started realizing what they were: busted efforts to make my life not suck.  Things to the lick the lonely and beat the boring.  And honestly, I don't think any of these things are bad.  I'll probably still keep doing most all of them (while giving a strong effort not to add to the list).  As great as each of these things can be, though, they aren't relationship.  And boy, has it been made evident to me lately, how much I've been designed for relationship!

So this morning, I wake up to a text from a college friend who happened to be in town asking if I could meet her at Starbucks.  I hustle to get there.  On my way there, my mind was busy thanking God for this random visit with a good friend.  It was helping me see God providing for my need of relationship in the midst of a drier time in my life.  Our conversation goes real, quickly.  We both share how we're in lonely stages of life.  As I drove back home, I was flung deeper into the pit.  I've missed her.  I've missed lots of my dearest friends that live far away.  I went to a coffee shop for the afternoon.  I was tired of being alone for two solid days on the weekends.  I was getting frustrated and pouty.  Having experienced this chain of thinking before and not really wanting to go down that road, I held up a mental stop sign.  Time to shut down the social media and opened up my Bible.  I needed some promises.

I opened to Isaiah 41 and read this verse:
“But as for you, Israel my servant, Jacob my chosen one, descended from Abraham my friend,
I have called you back from the ends of the earth, saying, ‘You are my servant.’
For I have chose you and will not throw you away.
Don’t be afraid, for I am with you.  Don’t be discouraged for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you.
I will hold you up with my victorious right hand.”

Promise #1 for me today:  I'm not getting thrown away.  God did choose me for something.  God is with me and is my strength and help.  He captured my attention.  I flipped the pages some more and ended up in Isaiah 49:16:   

“I have your name written on the palms of my hands.”

Promise #2: God loves me enough to get my name tattooed on His hand.  He can’t forget me—it’s right there!

Verse 19 went on to talk about the return of Israel from exile and I loved the promises for the lonely and desolate that God made:
“even the most desolate parts of your abandoned land will soon be crowded with your people.”

Promise #3: Loneliness won’t last forever.  Community will return.

Then to Numbers 23:19 says:
“God is not a man, so he does not lie.
He is not human, so he does not change his mind.
Has he ever spoken and failed to act?
Has he ever promised and not carried through?”

Promise #4:  God is not like us.  God is good at keeping promises.

And Jeremiah 33:3:
“Ask and I will tell you the remarkable secrets you do not know about things to come.”

Promise #5: Ohh…I like this one.  God has awesome secret plans about the future and He will let us in on them if we ask.  It’s like getting to peek behind door #2.

Isaiah 58:10:
“The Lord will guide you continually, giving you water when you are dry and restoring your strength.  You will be like a well-watered garden, like an ever-flowing spring.”

Promise #6: God is going to guide me.  He will be the one who provides me with restoration, not hobbies or relationships, but Him alone.  The Word is life.  He doesn’t just want to sustain me either, but make me ever-flowing!

Finally Jeremiah 3:9:
“Then this city will bring me joy, glory, and honor before all the nations of the earth!  The people of the world will see all the good I do for my people, and they will tremble with awe at the peace and prosperity I provide for them.”

Promise #7:  God does good things for His people.  The world will come to know His goodness by us telling how faithful our God is to us.

I could have written several pages of Scripture that God pointed out to me today, but the major theme that rang loud and clear for me today was promises.  Sometimes we are in the pit.  There isn’t much that’s awesome about that.  God, on the other hand, is completely awesome.  The plans are good for us, friends.  He hasn’t forgotten us or thrown us away.  His promise is that the pit won’t last forever and promises to spend precious time in there with us.  He’s excited to bless us so that we can tell the world how awesome our God is!

I left the coffee shop feeling physically lighter and less tense, with a peaceful smile on my face.  Everything isn’t perfect, but my God’s promises are.  They are for you, too…even if your waiting room looks more like a pit.

don't wait to give thanks. He isn't done.

Well, we made it.  Another semester closed.  Another year in the books.  I've finished my first full year in the post-collegiate, full-time working world.  I've caught myself saying "it seems like I was just doing this," a few times in the past week.  Baccalaureate and commencements have been held.  Resident halls have been emptied.  Parking is once again available on university streets.  It's all a bit surreal, but here we are.

That's the funny thing about time.  It doesn't stop.  I mean, I guess that's comforting if you are waiting for something.  You're already moments closer to what you're waiting for that when you first arrived at this page.  On the other hand, the end of this year, something I haven't been waiting for, quite dreading in fact, arrived right on schedule.  I've known for months that this week would come.  Students would leave.  Some friends would graduate and move on.  Some would leave to return in a few months.  Others still are wrapping up the final ends and will be leaving in the next week.  Within the next month or so, I'll have said "see ya later" to several of my people and wished them well on their way to Arizona, New York, Houston, 5 to St. Louis, 3 to Alaska, and Malaysia.  Needless to say, this hasn't been my favorite time ever.

To those of you who know me well, this isn't news.  It's been an impending heartache for months and now it has arrived.  And boy, I sat in it this weekend.

Netflix accompanied my dreary graduation weekend as I wondered if I could continue to invest so deeply in people to see them leave once again.  I remember at one point thinking that I'm sick of experiencing such wonderful things because it always hurts so much when they come to an end.

I went to church last night, weary from a draining weekend.  It was good to be out and about and the day was nice.  My best friend, Katy, invited me to go to worship at a nearby college later that night and even though it had been a long weekend, I've become jealous for any time I can spend with her before she and her husband move.  So to Vespers we went.  Since it was the last service of the year, the leadership of the worship service was being recognized and the leadership for next year was brought up.  One of their campus ministers asked the people in attendance to think about who God had been for them in the past year.

 "Has He been your healer?  Has He been your deliverer?  Has He been your provider?  Your comforter?  Your peaceful presence?  How has He changed you in the last year?  Where have you seen His work in your life?"  I thought back and was surprised when I realized that I would've used several of those very words to describe God's work in my life in the past year.  Funny, though, my first reaction was not giving thanks to God for what He'd done.  I knew that it should've been, but I was still crabby about the fact that it was ending.  "Great, God...more good things that are in the past."

She went on.  As she laid hands on the teams that would serve for next year, she said this:
"Lord, would You open our hearts to what you are continuing to do in us?  You are never done!  You are. Never. Done.  Give us joy and excitement.  Help us to pay attention to what You will continue to do."

Thank you, Jesus, for that word.  Turns out, this was a repeat lesson and I'm a slow learner.  When I was in Israel, we got the opportunity to visit Old Jericho.  I walked on the very ground the Israelites did when the walls fell down.  I was speechless.  I remember saying to God, "wow, Lord, You were SO big for Your people."  I went on and on about the places we'd already been. "Wow, God.  You healed people with muddy water.  You calmed storms.  You felled walls.  You did huge things."

As I walked through the rock pile of Old Jericho that is now an archaeological hay day,  I was hit with a holy 2x4.  "I AM big for my people, Shelly.  I AM doing huge things.   I am tearing down walls.  I am calming storms.  I am healing.  It is My Name.  I AM.  I AM the same yesterday, today, and forever."

Last night,  I was once again reminded of this.  He isn't done.  He isn't.  This isn't the end.  The good isn't only behind us, but still to come.

So began a time of sincerely giving thanks for what good has already been.

¹ Give thanks to the LORD, call on his name;
   make known among the nations what he has done.
² Sing to him, sing praise to him;
   tell of all his wonderful acts.
³ Glory in his holy name;
   let the hearts of those who seek the LORD rejoice.
⁴ Look to the LORD and his strength;
   seek his face always.  ⁵ Remember the wonders he has done,
   his miracles, and the judgments he pronounced,
⁶ O descendants of Abraham his servant,
   O sons of Jacob, his chosen ones.   Psalm 105

I definitely had a list to give thanks about.  I remember doing research about fear last year.  Neurologically, when brain scans have been done on fear (don't ask me to get too technical...I am no brain surgeon), they found something to be true.  The activity in the area of the brain that produces fear cannot function fully if the area of the brain that produces gratitude is working.  Gratitude and fear cannot physically coexist well in our brains.  I was feeling fearful about the future.  Gratitude.  It shows God's faithfulness in the past.  It reassures hope in the future.  I'm grateful for that promise.  Don't wait to be grateful.  It brings joy.  It brings faith in the future.  It reminds us that we haven't missed our chance, but are still living in the meantime of the best of things.

Jesus, You've been SO good.  I thank you that Your goodness hasn't ended like this school year.  The salvation we have in Christ is continuing to unfold.  Goodness abounds.  I am grateful.

More on this week later...I have more thoughts.