some things take time.

I’m a slow mover.  More and more I’m becoming aware of how long it takes me to do things.  I read slowly.  I write slowly.  I don’t like feeling rushed, especially in the morning.  Even though my life seems to be a flurry of activity, I am often slow to do and create.

My mom loves to tell the story of her long labor with me.  My sisters still bring up the fact that their evening bath was interrupted when my mom's water broke and they didn't even get to wash the shampoo out of their hair.  My family rushed to the hospital, and yet, I didn’t make my grand entrance until the next afternoon.  My mom smiles as she says, “you’ve been taking your time ever since.”

I used to get frustrated with myself about this, but am growing in the acceptance and embracing of my life’s pace.  Truly, I wouldn’t dare wish that away about my story.  Slow is not void of meaning or activity, but often allows space for a richness and breath.  Most days, I might even say I like the easy moving pace of slow.  I'm usually pretty okay with the fact that, for me especially, some things just take time.

Some of my favorite projects I’ve ever made – crafts, sewing, music, worship experiences—seemed like they would never be done.  Some came in danger of being tossed aside multiple times.  But I can look at them with joy, and delight in them even more so, because they not only hold beauty, but effort, process, redemption of mistakes, and persistence.

When you move like I did a few months ago, people love to ask “so, are you all settled in yet?”  I often laugh and mention the month delay on the arrival of my belongings and how much I’ve been traveling lately.  “These past few weekends have been too gorgeous to stay inside!” I exclaim.  All of those things are true.  But it’s also true that especially in things I care about—this being creating a homey, welcoming place that reflects me and is soaked in Jesus—I move slowly.  I realized that this week as I made some significant progress in my living space.  I soak up decorating each wall or corner and make sure everything looks and feels just right.  Look at the wall on the right.  Pieces from thrift stores or yard sales.  Craft projects and upcycling.  I love that it's really old wood frames and a well loved cutting board that bring beauty to my kitchen wall.  The rich character held in those pieces didn't come quickly.  The time it took to create this wall was great.  But the feeling that came when I stood back to look at its completion this morning, was awesome.  I became okay with the time it took, when I saw how it came together.  But yes, it took time.

I know that I was made in the image of the Creator to create.  He was way more efficient than me.  Creating the universe in 6 days?!  Shoot.  I've spent longer planning an outfit.

God is a big and mighty capable master Creator.  Not just a one time Artist in the beginning, but continuously.  His favorite medium is people.  We’re stubborn.  We make mistakes.  We’re impatient.  Sometimes he has to take us apart a bit to get us to be what He’s designed.  And that takes time.  I want to jump to hanging the finished piece on wall, but the Artist is says gently, “you haven’t seen the best part take shape yet.”  So for further unfolding in my story, I wait.

While acknowledging that many areas of my life are beyond my dreams and I couldn’t ask for more, today is just one of those days that I’m feeling the rub of what seems to be little or no movement in some areas of life.  God, I’m eager for the man you have in store for me, for ministry to be mature, for community to be rich and deepening, for bucket list items to be checked, but until then, help me dig into you and allow you to work and guide.

I tend to lean into being proactive and believe strongly in its value.  There is much God has given us to work with in the meantime.  Today, though, I’m simply reminded of the Artist at work and that I’m the medium.  Some things, and often the really great things, take time.

stay and make disciples.

Wait.

You know, maybe it's just because you see things you're eyes are turned toward.  Whatever it is, waiting is the theme that just won't go away. 

If you've read posts in the past several months, you know that I've had the experience of cheering on some of my dearest friends to new cities, adventures, and journeys.  It's been incredibly difficult, but quite awesome to see how God is using them, teaching them, and providing for them.
Maybe it's just been envy of change or feeling left behind, but I thought I would also be on to other things within the next year.  Possibly a new job or a new city, maybe even a new country!  My imagination has been filled with possibility for the last few months.  It's been overwhelming and exciting, but I've never felt settled about anything.  After all, I'm an adventurer!  I'm born to see things, do things, live in strange places and eat odd things!  I shall never be tamed!  After all, Scripture says "GO and make disciples," not "stay and make disciples!"

Yeah...except for in the past few weeks, God has granted me great peace in the prospect of staying.

Most people wouldn't be disappointed about this.  Consistency is often a welcomed friend.  I, on the other hand, almost began hyperventilating at the thought of "long term commitment" to a job, home, or otherwise.  Since I work at the university I graduated from, this is the literally the longest I've lived in one place.  I'm used to turn over and I embrace newness.  To stay is actually pushing me outside of my comfort zone.  It's not that anything is wrong with my current situation.  I love my job, adore where I live, and still get so excited about the Twin Cities.  I just thought I was one of those that God was telling to "go."

Huh.

Then there's this progression of peace.  Could I stay?  What if I stayed?  I think I could stay.  I could see myself staying.  I want to stay.  I'd love to stay.  I'm EXCITED about staying!


Weird, right?  For the first time in a long time, I'm excited about this direction of my life.  I know where I need to be and I have a huge heart to be there.  It's exciting.

So what's the issue?  So many people in my world are still continuing to move.  They're moving geographically, vocationally, personally.  And here I am.  Staying.  It's okay.  I'm learning to be confident in God's provision and goodness.  That doesn't make it any easier to say goodbye to my friends who are in motion.  I find fewer and fewer where I am and that's tough.  Staying is almost the harder thing to do--to commit and stick it out through the rough places.  After all, most things that are worth it in the long run, are just that: a long run.

I was telling God about this last night.  One of those chats where I pointed out what He was doing and how hard it was going to be for me.  He's familiar with these chats.  The simple beauty of the words from Gungor's "Beautiful Things" resonated in my head.

You make beautiful things.  You make beautiful things out of the dust.  You make beautiful things.  You makes beautiful things out of us. ....You make me new.  You are making me new.

Okay, Lord.  I might be feeling kinda dusty at the moment.  But, okay.  I'll trust.  I'll be obedient and stay.  I won't quit.  I won't run if You're asking me to stay and make disciples; especially if that's what's best for Your Kingdom.  As long as You're here staying with me, I'll stay.

I have to wonder, is this true for many of us?  We so want to be "go" people in this area or that area of our life that we miss what God is doing while we're staying there for awhile.  Who or what is in your story for the time being for a reason?  I've been pushed in that as I become more at peace with staying and just loving the people that God has called me to instead of trying to wish myself away.

So that's where I'm at.  Staying.  Waiting.  Wondering if it'll ever be my turn to be a "go" person.  But trusting God and His promise to make beauty from my ashes and redeem difficulty and hardship in my story.  I want to stay to see that.