You know, maybe it's just because you see things you're eyes are turned toward. Whatever it is, waiting is the theme that just won't go away.
If you've read posts in the past several months, you know that I've had the experience of cheering on some of my dearest friends to new cities, adventures, and journeys. It's been incredibly difficult, but quite awesome to see how God is using them, teaching them, and providing for them.
Maybe it's just been envy of change or feeling left behind, but I thought I would also be on to other things within the next year. Possibly a new job or a new city, maybe even a new country! My imagination has been filled with possibility for the last few months. It's been overwhelming and exciting, but I've never felt settled about anything. After all, I'm an adventurer! I'm born to see things, do things, live in strange places and eat odd things! I shall never be tamed! After all, Scripture says "GO and make disciples," not "stay and make disciples!"
Yeah...except for in the past few weeks, God has granted me great peace in the prospect of staying.
Most people wouldn't be disappointed about this. Consistency is often a welcomed friend. I, on the other hand, almost began hyperventilating at the thought of "long term commitment" to a job, home, or otherwise. Since I work at the university I graduated from, this is the literally the longest I've lived in one place. I'm used to turn over and I embrace newness. To stay is actually pushing me outside of my comfort zone. It's not that anything is wrong with my current situation. I love my job, adore where I live, and still get so excited about the Twin Cities. I just thought I was one of those that God was telling to "go."
Then there's this progression of peace. Could I stay? What if I stayed? I think I could stay. I could see myself staying. I want to stay. I'd love to stay. I'm EXCITED about staying!
Weird, right? For the first time in a long time, I'm excited about this direction of my life. I know where I need to be and I have a huge heart to be there. It's exciting.
So what's the issue? So many people in my world are still continuing to move. They're moving geographically, vocationally, personally. And here I am. Staying. It's okay. I'm learning to be confident in God's provision and goodness. That doesn't make it any easier to say goodbye to my friends who are in motion. I find fewer and fewer where I am and that's tough. Staying is almost the harder thing to do--to commit and stick it out through the rough places. After all, most things that are worth it in the long run, are just that: a long run.
I was telling God about this last night. One of those chats where I pointed out what He was doing and how hard it was going to be for me. He's familiar with these chats. The simple beauty of the words from Gungor's "Beautiful Things" resonated in my head.
You make beautiful things. You make beautiful things out of the dust. You make beautiful things. You makes beautiful things out of us. ....You make me new. You are making me new.
Okay, Lord. I might be feeling kinda dusty at the moment. But, okay. I'll trust. I'll be obedient and stay. I won't quit. I won't run if You're asking me to stay and make disciples; especially if that's what's best for Your Kingdom. As long as You're here staying with me, I'll stay.
I have to wonder, is this true for many of us? We so want to be "go" people in this area or that area of our life that we miss what God is doing while we're staying there for awhile. Who or what is in your story for the time being for a reason? I've been pushed in that as I become more at peace with staying and just loving the people that God has called me to instead of trying to wish myself away.
So that's where I'm at. Staying. Waiting. Wondering if it'll ever be my turn to be a "go" person. But trusting God and His promise to make beauty from my ashes and redeem difficulty and hardship in my story. I want to stay to see that.