what i'm taking from 2012.

It's that time of year again.  Time to remember the old and usher in the new.

It's been my custom to do a year in review sort of thing, but this year, I decided to do something a little different.  Instead of events, here are the learnings of 2012.  After all, I would argue that what we take away from an experience is often far more important than the actual experience itself.  Much of life's circumstances are out of our control, but we can always choose to learn, grow, and be better from whatever happens.  So here is what I'm taking from 2012.

1.  Change is so hard.  And life is full of it.

I look back on this year as one of the most transition filled in my whole life.  However, I look back on it and say, "I did that.  I'm okay.  I made it.  I was brave.  I had an adventure."  No regrets about taking leaps, only hope and excitement for what's ahead.

2. Life is full of disappointments.  Things often don't turn out how we imagine they would.  You must learn to grip the rope of life loosely, so when it gets pulled out from you, your hands don't get burned.  Jesus is the only thing that will not burn you.  There is brokenness in the world and that's not God's fault, but we have a God who loves being creative.  So creative, in fact, that He makes beautiful things out of the dust. Even out of the chaos, He makes beautiful things.  Colossians tells us not to be surprised when difficult things happen to us.  It's part of the fallen world and us being people marked in Christ.  We have a hope, though, that He works all things for the good of those who love Him.  A promise like that makes brokenness worth enduring.

3.  Life is so beautiful.  Don't allow experiences or circumstances to make you bitter or fearful.  It's a battle.  Sometimes, I want to hide under a table and let the world go by for fear of what awaits me next.  Sometimes, I want to ignore everyone and be jaded about all that is wrong in the world and its residents.  There are days where I could stay in that place, but I'm reminded of this:

"I have come that you may have life and have it to the full." John 10:10

Captivity to fear and captivity to bitterness is nothing resembling fullness.  We have to be careful that the lessons we learn from bad experiences in the past, don't keep us from taking a risk on great experiences later.  For me, it's recognizing when my heart is going there and taking steps to be free.  I'm excited for some life to the full in 2013.

4.  Take a risk.  You only have limited opportunities to do so.  If something falls through, you tried, you learn.  One of my favorite quotes this year was from Helen Keller.  "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing."

5.  Jesus is faithful.  Wow...I can't say that enough.  The lyric from the hymn "Abide with Me" has been a word of strength this year. "Change and decay in all around I see, oh, Thou who changest not, abide with me."  He has provided in ways I can't comprehend.  Through so many trials, He has prepared me and rescued me.  He has spoken words of truth from His Word and through others.  He has allowed me to be broken and loved me into wholeness.  He's given me opportunities I couldn't have dreamed of.  I would not have weathered this year (or any other for that matter) with out the wonderful grace of God in Christ.  Your plans are still to prosper.  You are Sovereign over us.

6.  People are worth it.  I've said a lot of hard goodbyes and see ya laters in 2012.  I've spent a lot of time and money in the last year (and will continue to do so this year) to travel to be with friends and family who are far away.  I'm rarely disappointed by that choice.  Stuff, gadgets, whatever...they aren't nearly as valuable and fulfilling as people.  Spending time and money to see people is always worth it.  I'm grateful for getting to see my godson be baptized, my nephew as a new baby, friends here visiting me from all over, time at the Sem, last minute adventures before moving, those moments and connections are precious.  Don't take time with people you love for granted.  True friendship is not all lost.

7.  Which leads me to..don't do this thing alone.  The best times are better and the worst times aren't so bad when you've got someone in it with you.  You can't do it alone and you're not supposed to.  Let people in.  Be messy.  Be real.  Be loved.  Invite someone along for the ride in 2013.

8.  "Seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be added to you as well."  Seeking God's Kingdom and His righteousness not an easy request.  It puts aside our kingdoms and our own self-righteousness and calls us to something bigger.  Being part of kingdom growth in Nicaragua, Concordia, and Arizona in 2012 has been a labor of love. Often challenging, but where my heart is filled.  If we're not doing something in order that God may be glorified and more people come to know Jesus, then what are we doing it for?  If it is for ourselves, we need to stop and repent immediately.  And His righteousness.  We have been given a task that we cannot complete, but in Christ we are given robes of righteousness.  We are called to walk in the light and allow God's Word to be sharper than any double-edged sword against any sin in our hearts.

    Then, we don't do this so that we get things added unto us, but seeking Jesus is the goal!  All else goes strangely dim and pails in comparison.  It's a resolution for each new year, that we would seek you, Jesus, more than we have before. 

9.  Joy is both a gift and a choice.  God gave us joy in Jesus when we couldn't choose joy on our own.  We are gifted with joy from our Heavenly Father in nearly every moment we breathe.  But when things are challenging, our hearts our breaking, the world seems dark, we can choose to see joy.  So many things are beyond our control and yet, the promise of life to the full remains.  Scripture talks about having joy in the presence of God.  Since Jesus is Emmanuel, a very present God, we are given joy.  Joy that the enemy can't touch nor take nor damage nor shake.  It is hidden with Christ in God.

10.  I'm way stronger than I thought. :-)  I've came through a lot this year with starting a new life in a new place.  I know it wasn't in my strength that I did it.  God can bring you through so much more than you thought you could handle.  But yeah, I'm kind of proud of that.

11.  And way weaker than I thought. :-S  None of us are untouchable or unstoppable.  We all have weaknesses, breaking points, and vulnerabilities.  This is why I can't do this thing alone.  This is why I need rest.  This is why I desperately need Jesus.

12.  Hope.  It's the word of the year.  "Ponder anew what the Almighty can do."

May your 2013 be full of reminders that you are desperately loved by Jesus.  Here's to a new year.

waiting in faith.

I love being in Nicaragua.  No matter the location, people are very interesting to me.  This is especially true here in Nicaragua.

There's a woman named Rosa Laura.  I spent some time with her last year.  She is a strong woman of the Lord.  She captures what it means to pray without ceasing.  She lives in huge faith.  We visited her on Sunday afternoon at her home.  I was giddy to see her again and catch some of her contagious strength in faith.

She told us three stories.  All three were about waiting.

The first..
Rosa Laura told us that her son had a dream 3 nights before we were visiting her.  He told Rosa Laura that he never had dreams, but he had one that a group of missionaries would be coming to their house soon.  She laughed when we walked in the door and said that she'd been expecting us and was overjoyed that we were finally there.  She said she was glad we would be coming because she'd been sick and needed some encouragement and company.  Talk about a welcome!  When she'd heard this dream from her son, she wondered if they'd be missionaries that she'd met before or new ones.  She told us it was a delight to see some she knew and meet some for the first time.  God had told her we were coming.  She was waiting for us.

The second...
Rosa Laura told us about a time not long ago that her husband was out of work.  She told him he must have faith in God's provision and trust that He would provide work.  He told Rosa Laura it was nearly impossible because they had so little to live on.  She told him "I have a lot of faith.  Faith enough for both of us.  God is going to provide."  She began praying when she couldn't sleep one night.  She said her prayers were around 4am.  She prayed in faith and waited for God to answer.  The wait was short.  By 6:30am that morning, a man had arrived at their house saying that he needed employees for his business and wanted to give Rosa Laura's husband a job.  She waited in faith for God to give a job.

The third...
A few months ago, Rosa Laura's son came to her and said that he was hungry.  She didn't have food to give him.  They were having a hard time while her husband was out of work.  She had to deal with a mother's worst nightmare--being unable to provide for your children.  She pleaded and prayed that morning.  She told God that she knew He was good and would provide.  She told God that she trusted Him.  She praised and worshiped Him even in this desperate time.  That afternoon, a woman arrived at the door asking if someone named "Rosa" lived there.  The woman said that earlier that day she was washing clothes and she heard God's voice say, "stop washing clothes, go get food from your store and take it to a woman named Rosa."  She did that very thing.  That afternoon, she carried a large tray of food to Rosa's house.  Her family could eat for another day or two.  Her eyes were filled with joyous tears as she told us the story.  She said "I knew He would provide.  I have faith.  God is good."  She waited for God to provide nourishment.

This woman isn't passive.  She prays incessantly.  She waits believing that what she asks for will come.  It's amazing how often it does.  It makes me wonder, when I wait, am I having faith in God's provision?  Do I actually believe in His promises to provide?  Just some food for thought...and a whole lot of faith from a woman who inspires me to believe wholeheartedly.  It's beautiful.

I pray God grants you stories in your life right now of His provisionf or those who wait in faith.  I pray that your faith would also be strengthened in hearing them, so that you may also wait in faith, knowing that God is good.

eleven learnings from '11.

Well, as unbelievable as it seems, we’re wrapping up another year!  2011 has come and gone.  I’m one for reflection (as you probably know) and it’s always fun to see how the past year has been spent and to see what growth God has made within me in the previous 12 months.  So here’s 11 of my biggest meantime learnings from 2011.

11.  In the Meantime.  This year has been great!  I’ve been in 3 other countries, hosted parties, wrote articles, been to concerts, had precious visits and time with friends and family, coached great kids, mentored college students, learned tons about being a worship/spiritual leader, learned a new instrument (harmonica), ran a 5K, lived in community, lived in freedom probably more than any other time in my life, let God into my dark places to bring light, let people walk with me, and had a lot of stinking fun!  It's been a year of living up the meantime!  Here’s to the best year yet in 2012!

10.  Gifts.  Understanding that God has given us all gifts--some that we are proud of, some that we could just die if anyone knew about them.  He has made us all creative and wants to use that creativity for His kingdom.  I’m learning that it’s the enemies’ favorite tool to squash our creativity.  He wants us to feel stupid or that our creativity is worthless or a waste of time.  If he convinces me or you of this, he is victorious in keeping us from inspiring and leading others with God’s Word by using our gifts.  This has been a huge struggle of mine this year--with worship leading, with speaking, with writing words and writing music.  My creativity has been stomped on and I’ve allowed the enemy to embarrass me out of being creative.  In doing so, I've denied the gift I've been given and haven't allowed God to use it for what He would.  In 2012, Lord, give me boldness to use my gifts for the things that You have prepared.

9.  Stay and be content.  I’m a goer and a doer.  God is asking me to stay.  This has been new for me.  2011 had some antsy times.  God has given peace about staying.  Staying is hard because it means investing in people and persevering through the junk, the difficult times, and routine.  God asks for obedience.  God, may I be willing to go or stay as You choose in 2012.

8.  “Be okay with mystery.” –Derek Webb.  This is one of the best ways to describe my time in Nicaragua and I’m excited to get back there.  The way people prayed there and trusted in God to provide was truly inspiring. I was floored at how God powerfully answered prayer and when talking it through with students, I had no way to describe how it worked.  We can’t know.  It’s mystery.  It’s prayer.  It’s grace.  It’s God’s love and provision for us in Christ being way bigger than we could ever fathom.  While in Israel/Palestine, President Holst often said, “we’re playing the game without knowing the rules.”  This is prayer.  This is faith.  God asks us to be in relationship and communication with Him.  I have not a clue how that works.  I just know He is faithful and good.  So I play the game that I don’t know the rules to.  It’s embracing the mystery and raising up things we can’t understand as another reason to praise God, for He is beyond our understanding.

7.  TOWDAH – I wrote about this over the summer, but it’s one of the Hebrew words for praise.  It’s all about praising God for what is to come.  This is one of the coolest things I’ve learned this year.  Gratitude is huge--to be grateful for what God has done yesterday, today, and what He will do.  There’s no need to wish away the present for what may come in the future.  God will handle the future and it will be great because that’s who He is.

6.  Simplicity.  This is something I’m sure I’ll be writing more about in 2012, but simplicity has been a recent interest of mine.  In possessions, schedule, words, food, everything.  I’m reading the book:

I desire to be of simple heart—that the only thing my heart would long for is Christ and His will.  There are lots of things I desire that I don’t need.  There are lots of things I do in order to manage how others see me instead of putting that energy into my relationship with God and how He sees me.  It’s tough, but rich.  In 2012, it’s my prayer that things are draw my heart from Christ are revealed and removed.

5.  Relaxing and Control.  I had goals for this year that weren’t met.  I have a roommate that challenges me to rest and take a break, that the dishes can wait, and things don’t have to be perfect.   I have not achieved this, but am making strides to let things go.  It’s okay to fail.  It’s okay to let go of expectation and realize that life and people aren’t perfect.  We are a beautifully broken mess that God chooses to deal with.  The sooner we realize that, learn to make room for others faults, and ask for forgiveness, the better.  That’s real.  Managing how others think of us by trying to appear perfect leaves us false, empty, and isolated.  Lord, break us from our desire to manage others’ opinions of us and in doing so, lose sight of Your grace amidst our brokenness.

4.  Saying goodbyes.  This has been a year of saying goodbye and watching lots of friends and loved ones move out of my immediate, everyday world.  It’s been deeply difficult.  It continues into 2012.  God continues to remind me that He will never leave or forsake and that He provides where gaps need to be filled.  Wow.  I’ve been so amazed by that.  And at the same time, blessing me with people in my story to acknowledge that struggle and hurt and encourage me to be honest in grieving that loss.  I’ve seen the importance in that this year.  Where before I’d put on a tough face, once again, I’m seeing that this isn’t being vulnerable or letting others help, serve, or love me.

3.  Palestine and Israel.  Seeing these places has changed my perspective forever.  I loved the ordinary-ness of it all.  Jesus is a regular guy who walked around in a regular place and is also God.  Seeing the hugeness of Him and what He’s done for His people throughout generations opened my eyes to how big He still is for us today.  Oh, that we wouldn’t miss Him.

2.  Relationships & Surrender of Independence.  This has been a giant learning this year.  God knows I’ve been independent since birth.  It’s been something I thought was such a strength, but He has shown me how it’s made me push people away in order to be in control or not appear weak.  That’s not real relationship.  Relationship is letting people in to see your hurts and weaknesses.  It’s letting people help you.  It’s admitting when you’re lonely.  It’s inconveniencing yourself to invite someone into your story.  I have lots of amazing people in my story that God has continued to gift me with.  I am so grateful to not be walking alone in this thing called life.  Community.  It’s how we were made.  I’m learning this.  I’m excited to see how God uses this lesson in 2012.

1.  God simply drawing me nearer and nearer to Himself (catalyst: Pure Worship Institute, June 2011).  Being in His Word regularly, trusting Him in prayer and relationship.  As I grow more in relationship with Him, He pushes me to grow in relationship and vulnerability with others.  Overall, really tough and amazing growth.  We are a process.  The process continues in 2012.

As I think about goals and what’s to come in 2012, I want to quote a post on my 25^th birthday this year:

However, I constantly must remind myself that my goals and the points on my lists aren't always on God's list of goals and plans for my life.  Our agendas don't always line up.   … The path that we plan to take is not always the one God leads us down or if it is, it's usually not what we think it'll be.

We don't know the plans.  When we get so set on our own plans for our story and find out that they don't come to pass, it can be easy to get discouraged and disappointed. … Be gracious in your reflection.  Embrace your journey.  Realize that wherever you are in that journey that God has filled your life with stories.  They may not have been the stories I would've chosen, but it'd be lame if they all were.  Every once in awhile you watch a movie knowing how it ends, but generally it's not desired to know the outcome. Life leaves an element of surprise that teaches us to trust and lean on one another.  I want adventure and that's unpredictable.

Even with boxes unchecked, there is always one thing on my list I can accomplish.  That's to bring joy.  To choose joy in the waiting.  In the adventure.  In the mishaps of adventure.  In the boring.  In the devastating.  In the seemingly hopeless and the utterly disappointing.  Choosing joy.  Bringing joy to others.  No matter the things to come or what has been, God is faithful.  God is providing.  God is unfolding.  He is untouchable and unchanged.  As long as the tomb is still empty, we have reason to be overflowing with joy.  If you are disappointed about failing to accomplish any goal, may it be that one.

So here's to [2012]--a year of joy and adventures both planned and unexpected, and to the grace I will rest in for the things that don't get accomplished.  Here's to lessons, stories, relationships, and choosing joy.

 

Happy New Year, everyone.