Monday, April 11, 2011

sorry to keep you waiting...

[deep inhale...and exhale]

It's been a week. Not a bad week at all. There have been many things in the past week that have been quite lovely, in fact. But boy, has it been full! I started a busy weekend already exhausted and ended it lamenting my shortened rest time.

But if I really want to be honest with myself, I have to admit that I've been running on fumes for awhile.

Once again, wearing my busyness like a badge of honor, I have overlooked and given up what is the most important. I realized and admitted to a friend last night that I have allowed ministry to interfere with my relationship with God. Ironic, right? And ugly. All the worst things come out of something so destructive. I went home incredibly humbled and repentant. I don't want to do this anymore. I'm tired of being tired and dry and running thin. It's not fun, it's not healthy, and it's not God-pleasing. Plain and simple. I went to bed last night telling the Lord how sorry I am and telling Him that I do want to make a change and do better.

I imagine myself in my own prodigal story. I run away only to do things that will make my Father proud. Working desperately to bring Him honor and please people in His Name while unknowingly running further away from Him. I turn around tired and crabby, but looking for gold stars and praise from my Father, but He's not among my stress and toiling. I catch a glance of Him out of the corner of my eye with His arms open, excited to be with me and hear from me. I sheepishly walk His way, knowing that my very intentions to work hard for Him have encroached on the time I spend in relationship with Him. As He embraces me, all I can mumble is, "sorry to keep you waiting.." He laughs and is delighted to be holding me in His arms. This is my prodigal story. One of busyness, ambition, achievement, and success. That's what drew me away. Praise God for waiting for us like He does.

So, this evening I had one of my first free evenings in ages. I have been excited all day. So what did I do with my evening? I went on a date.

Well, not your typical date, I suppose, but a date nonetheless. I took myself out to dinner. It was kind of fun--there were at least 2 other people near me in the restaurant who were alone and reading books. So sitting among them, I busted out my Bible and spent some long overdue time with my Savior. QT with JC.

The Life Journal reading for today was from 2 Corinthians 11 and started out like this:
"For I am jealous for you with the jealousy of God himself. I promised you as a pure bride to one husband—Christ. 3But I fear that somehow your pure and undivided devotion to Christ will be corrupted, just as Eve was deceived by the cunning ways of the serpent."

I was stopped in my tracks for a moment. Yep. I know You're jealous for me, Lord. My devotion to you has been corrupted by the a cunning tactic of shadowing You with good things. I know You've made our relationship perfect in Christ. Help me to live in it. Sorry I've kept You waiting.

I've spent the rest of the evening just chilling solo. Talking to God some. Listening some. Reading some. Just enjoying an evening abundant in solitude and lacking in demand. It's beautiful and vibrancy of life returns. Like when you catch up with an old friend after a long time...and then you wonder to yourself, why did I wait so long?!

If you're anything like me, life spirals out of control quickly. The cunning of the enemy sneaks under the radar and divides our devotion for God without us even realizing it. My encouragement to you and me is to be aware. Make time to spend in the most important relationship you've ever had and ever will have. If you need to spend time fighting with Him, do it. If you need to spend time resting in His lap, do it. He's right there. Don't keep Him waiting.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you so much for sharing this with us Shelly, it was great to read--especially because of how close to home it hits for me... I hope that this week you're veeb able to really dive more and more into relationship with him! Thanks for your presence at CSP and I'm excited for what next year may have in store for us :)

    --Sarah Koscielniak